Okay, it’s been awhile. I’m back to start all over again. This is why:
Last year one of my goals on my other blog (Kat & Company) was to post at least once a week.
I failed miserably.
The fact is that I am a busy girl and I have higher expectations for myself than the posts I have the time to create right now.
I love photography and that is what I want that blog to be; a place for me to share my life through my lens. I haven’t posted here in a very long time. When I started this blog, I thought that putting it all out there in public would help me be more accountable. Let’s just say that I was wrong.
I am not happy with my body image right now. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle every time I open my mouth for the next bite. I find it exhausting just trying to figure out what my next meal is going to be. And knowing that it’s not just about the food, I berate myself every time I sit down to watch a movie or find myself surfing the internet just because I’m bored. It’s not healthy, but I just feel so defeated by those numbers on the scale and the tightness of my jeans.
I have tried many diets and failed miserably every single time. I know denying myself is a recipe for disaster, so I decided (more than a dozen times) to make “lifestyle changes”. I fared a little better with those, but still fell off the wagon again and again. So I thought about it. I thought about why it is that I find it so hard to change my eating and activity levels. I think I may have discovered the answer. My head and heart aren’t working together.
Usually my head is the one who decides that it’s time for a change. In my head, I usually feel like my body is the size I desire. But then I look into a mirror and my heart falls. I feel like I’m deluding myself. My pants must be on fire, I lie to myself so often. I tell myself that it’s not as bad as it seems. It’s the mirror; it must be a fun house mirror or something. I tell myself that everyone else is lying to me too. They tell me I look fine, or worse, great. Why do I feel it necessary to twist words? It’s not healthy.
So here’s what I’m thinking: I am a future psychologist. I am most interested in why we feel the way we do and how it affects our behavior. You see, if I can understand that, then I can help people change their behavior and in turn be happier. I’m thinking that if I change the way I think about food and exercise, then I may actually succeed in making permanent changes in my life. I can create a better body for myself but creating a healthier mind.
I’m going to embrace the double meaning that I considered when I named this blog. I’m going to shrink my own head (using psychology) in order to shrink my body. This time, I just want to share my journey with whoever is interested in any way. Basically, I’m thinking this will be more like a journal of my personal experiment. Fingers crossed.
Hugs and stuff,